How to Say Thank You
“Good, the more communicated, the more abundant grows.”
—John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book V
“Thank you.” It seems so simple. So obvious. So… small. How do you give people affirmation without sounding insincere? And, what could anyone possibly have to say about gratitude in the workplace without sounding trite or disingenuous or like it was haphazardly slapped together from a few less-than-meaty Twitter threads?
But.
We’re actually terrible at showing appreciation at work. It’s called the gratitude gap. We assume people know that we’re thankful for their efforts. We forget to tell the people we spend our days with that we’re grateful for them – their contributions and their presence. And, we worry that, if we do say thanks, we’ll sound insincere, or get the frequency wrong and make it meaningless, or start treating it like a box to check.
Add to that the fact that, when organizations and individuals get their stress blinders on, acknowledging the good can fall to the bottom of the pile. Even heroic efforts are just what needs to be done to survive.
Pausing to really acknowledge others’ contributions is useful in keeping the team motivated (giving and receiving gratitude ups productivity, effort, loyalty, collaborative spirit, well-being, and resilience), but it also builds up relationships. Deserved, properly placed recognition is good for individual employees, for trust and connection, for the team as a unit, for your company culture, for the momentum of your business and operations, and, frankly, for you.
It also doesn’t have to be hard, although many managers – and everyone else – can get in their own heads about it. It’s about appreciating and recognizing your team members and colleagues – the act of taking time to do so – and setting a model for others to show their gratitude, too.
A quick framework for what to say when saying thank you:
Be specific about the action: "Thank you for doing x."
Be specific about its impact: "It really helped me do y."
Be specific about its implication: "It shows that you have z positive characteristic."
The how of saying thank you matters, too. Out loud and in the moment can be great, but consider a text message, an email, an instant message, or a hand-written note (grandmothers everywhere are fist pumping). Choosing a written medium has a few advantages: You know that you can craft a message of appreciation that says what you want it to, the extra effort you put into it will show, the person you're thanking won't feel as much pressure to respond right away, and it gives them something tangible to file away in an email or IRL folder.
When do you do it? Now. Of course there’s a distinction to be made between empty words of appreciation and meaningful affirmation. But if you spend a few moments thinking about what’s made a difference for you, the team, and the business recently, you’ll probably find someone who deserves a (specific, personalized) “thank you.”
