I’m Not Pissed
Someone called me the other day to tell me specifically that he wasn't pissed about something.
“I appreciate that,” I responded. “But it’s fine if you’re pissed. You’ve identified a real problem, I’m sorry that we’re not in a position to solve it yet, and I appreciate the fact that you care.”
Because that’s the thing about anger. While it is an ugly emotion, or at least can express itself in ugly ways, it doesn’t come from nowhere. Rather, it’s the result of thinking something is important and not having the world around you agree with you.
The fact is that’s going to happen from time to time, and it’s good that it does. Because the opposite of anger isn’t happiness or optimism; it’s apathy. Apathy means you don’t care enough about something to get angry, and not caring means nothing will ever get better.
What’s important if you’re angry, however, is to think long and hard about how you want to express that anger. The reason that’s so is because if the world disagrees with you, then there’s a pretty good chance that you’re wrong. (Something about efficient markets yada yada…) And if you yell at someone or sabotage something out of anger and also turn out to be wrong, well, you will have lost a lot of credibility.
That said, there’s also the chance that you’re right, but not right right now. This was the source of the anger in the above example, and a situation like that can be the most infuriating of all in the sense that there is a wrong to be righted, but not the means to do so.
So it lingers.
My experience is that these types of situations are the main reason why employees get pissed at their employers. Further, that anger is exacerbated when the reason or context why someone is not right right now is not shared.
I wrote previously that my personal policy on transparency is that I will answer any question asked of me or if I can’t or won’t, admit that and explain why. I like that policy because (1) it causes me to explain my thinking and it often becomes apparent in the course of saying or writing something if it is or is not defensible and/or (2) it usually defuses anger by acknowledging that it’s there even if it can’t be resolved.
See, at the end of the day, it’s good for everyone to get pissed, but not good for anyone to stay pissed. The reason that’s so is because getting pissed is caused by caring and having a misunderstanding of the merits while staying pissed means either the merits aren’t being shared or decisions aren’t being made on them. Long-term, those are both big problems.
The biggest problem, though, remains apathy and particularly with apathetic people being mistaken for satisfied ones for longer than anyone anywhere cares to admit.
-Tim
